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Old 01-18-2013, 11:05 PM
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Default Tough Day Today

So, just the other day in the Married, Single, Divorced thread I mentioned that my wife and I were expecting our first. She had a check up today and we received some very bad news. The doctor did some test and couldn't find a heart beat, an ultrasound eventually confirmed the worst, that we lost the baby.

I didn't find out until after work at 5. I hadn't heard from her all day and I texted her asking "is everything ok". Ironically the text message didn't go through and I got a "not delivered message".

She told me not to tell anyone until three months because this could happen but I told several people at work thinking there was no way that something like that was going to happen to us.

It really didn't hit me until I came home and looked in the trash and saw all the announcement pictures we had taken had been sealed and stamped but thrown in the trash can. All the addresses were to people in her family. That's when I got most angry and wanted to break some stuff because she was really looking forward to being a mother and sharing our news.

Has anyone been through this? I guess were going to try again but she's really scared about the possibility of it happening again.

Not looking for sympathy here.... just wanted to type something... still can't believe it.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Bengal Droppings View Post
So, just the other day in the Married, Single, Divorced thread I mentioned that my wife and I were expecting our first. She had a check up today and we received some very bad news. The doctor did some test and couldn't find a heart beat, an ultrasound eventually confirmed the worst, that we lost the baby.

I didn't find out until after work at 5. I hadn't heard from her all day and I texted her asking "is everything ok". Ironically the text message didn't go through and I got a "not delivered message".

She told me not to tell anyone until three months because this could happen but I told several people at work thinking there was no way that something like that was going to happen to us.

It really didn't hit me until I came home and looked in the trash and saw all the announcement pictures we had taken had been sealed and stamped but thrown in the trash can. All the addresses were to people in her family. That's when I got most angry and wanted to break some stuff because she was really looking forward to being a mother and sharing our news.

Has anyone been through this? I guess were going to try again but she's really scared about the possibility of it happening again.

Not looking for sympathy here.... just wanted to type something... still can't believe it.
sorry to hear that, have a drink on me mate

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  #3  
Old 01-18-2013, 11:21 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Bengal Droppings,

Hold your wife, pray together with her, and tell her you love her even more than the day you married her. Don't be afraid to mourn and cry together, either, and let this tragedy strengthen your marriage and increase your mutual love. Then, when you're ready, try again.

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Old 01-18-2013, 11:38 PM
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Bengal Droppings,

Hold your wife, pray together with her, and tell her you love her even more than the day you married her. Don't be afraid to mourn and cry together, either, and let this tragedy strengthen your marriage and increase your mutual love. Then, when you're ready, try again.

Fan_in_Kettering
Damn, This

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Old 01-18-2013, 11:48 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

We had a similar experience. We also got really excited, and told people, before we should have. If it helps, we now have a perfect 3 year old boy, with 10 fingers, and 10 toes.

Not sure if you are looking for advice, but here is some of how we went forward:

I started to do a lot of research, and found out that it is FAR more common than thought, but due to the nature of it, remains a taboo, that is not really discussed.

The top reason it happens, is that it was a genetic mismatch, and would not have developed appropriately. I found that comforting, for some reason.

I made all the calls, and talked to everyone, not my wife. It is easier on us, and your wife, will thank you.

It will not be possible for you to understand this yet, but there will come a time, when this will not be painful, and you will be annoyed by other people feeling that way about it. (That is of course assuming this is a fluke, and not a problem.) It is a fact of life, and not one that will define you.

I'm sorry, brother. Feel free to PM me if you want.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:59 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

This is one of those times in life/marriage when you get real strong...real fast. Life is full of these hurdles and your wife needs you more than ever, right now. I am very sorry for your loss my Bengal brother. I guess life has something else planned. All will be well. Chin up.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:32 AM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Yeah, it happened to us. Sorry it happened to you, or anyone. Nothing much to say or do. It's tragic.

Have fun trying again, though.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Fan_in_Kettering View Post
Bengal Droppings,

Hold your wife, pray together with her, and tell her you love her even more than the day you married her. Don't be afraid to mourn and cry together, either, and let this tragedy strengthen your marriage and increase your mutual love. Then, when you're ready, try again.

Fan_in_Kettering
this ^^



Thoughts and prayers are with ya'll!
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:48 AM
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So sorry. My sympathies to you and your wife.
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:04 AM
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I never thought anything like that could happen to my wife and me, but then one day we were waiting to see her obstetrician when we hear a woman screaming and wailing down the hall. It was obvious what had happened. It chilled me to the bone, and I could tell it scared my wife to death. Luckily nothing happened with us, but as someone has already said it is a lot more common than most people think. People just don't talk about it.
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:22 AM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

So sorry buddy. Praying for you and your wife.
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Old 01-19-2013, 08:45 AM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Very sorry to hear about this. It also happened to my wife and I about 3 years ago and I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. We had also told people we were expecting, so it led to some awkwardness.

For a while afterwards I was deathly afraid of trying again because it just hurt so bad. But we didn't give up and our daughter just turned 2 on the 4th, so it worked out ok.

You said your wife was scared of it happening again, so I'll tell you what my wife told me when I told her I was scared of it happening again: "It ***** that it happened, but this means I can get pregnant. And if I can get pregnant we can have a baby".
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:16 AM
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bengals Re: Tough Day Today

Never been through it, sorry, I can only imagine how sad you feel, I pray you and your wife will be parents real soon, until then, maybe your wildcats can take up some of your pain, best of luck friend.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:26 AM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bengal Droppings View Post
So, just the other day in the Married, Single, Divorced thread I mentioned that my wife and I were expecting our first. She had a check up today and we received some very bad news. The doctor did some test and couldn't find a heart beat, an ultrasound eventually confirmed the worst, that we lost the baby.

I didn't find out until after work at 5. I hadn't heard from her all day and I texted her asking "is everything ok". Ironically the text message didn't go through and I got a "not delivered message".

She told me not to tell anyone until three months because this could happen but I told several people at work thinking there was no way that something like that was going to happen to us.

It really didn't hit me until I came home and looked in the trash and saw all the announcement pictures we had taken had been sealed and stamped but thrown in the trash can. All the addresses were to people in her family. That's when I got most angry and wanted to break some stuff because she was really looking forward to being a mother and sharing our news.

Has anyone been through this? I guess were going to try again but she's really scared about the possibility of it happening again.

Not looking for sympathy here.... just wanted to type something... still can't believe it.
I've been through this. I wasn't excited or trying. I didn't know. My ex had came to me and told me she was pregnant but lost the baby. It hurt but I was 17.

Best thing I can tell ya man is everything happens for a reason and I know your probably so sick of hearing that because everyone has told you that. Unfortunately this just wasnt the right time for you guys and God, The universe..life whatever you believe in has bigger plans for you guys. You have each other and you know what you want. You'll get it and I'll def keep you both in my thoughts.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:22 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Yeah. Back in '91 my wife got pregnant with twins. About 5 months in we found out that there were problems with one of the baby's amniotic sac not growing and filling with fluid properly. We were told that it was unlikely that child would live but the other would be ok. We lost them both at around 24 weeks. When the one passed, blood flowed back into the other and caused it's heart to fail. A few months later my wife got pregnant again, with twins. They're now in their second year of college.

We went to a support group for a while and made some friends which was definitely a help. After almost 20 years, the pain never goes completely away but like with losing any loved one, you learn to deal with it and continue living your life.

I would suggest taking the time you need to grieve and then, if it's something you want, try again.

Since you have me on ignore, it's unlikely you'll see this but i figured i'd throw it out there anyway.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:26 PM
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Yeah. Back in '91 my wife got pregnant with twins. About 5 months in we found out that there were problems with one of the baby's amniotic sac not growing and filling with fluid properly. We were told that it was unlikely that child would live but the other would be ok. We lost them both at around 24 weeks. When the one passed, blood flowed back into the other and caused it's heart to fail. A few months later my wife got pregnant again, with twins. They're now in their second year of college.

We went to a support group for a while and made some friends which was definitely a help. After almost 20 years, the pain never goes completely away but like with losing any loved one, you learn to deal with it and continue living your life.

I would suggest taking the time you need to grieve and then, if it's something you want, try again.

Since you have me on ignore, it's unlikely you'll see this but i figured i'd throw it out there anyway.
maybe he'll see it if i quote it
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:32 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

I'm sorry to hear this. You have my sympathies. My wife have been through it three times and it is very difficult. I sent you a PM with more details.

Added you and your wife to my prayer list and will be praying for you.
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:43 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

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Originally Posted by Bengal Droppings View Post
So, just the other day in the Married, Single, Divorced thread I mentioned that my wife and I were expecting our first. She had a check up today and we received some very bad news. The doctor did some test and couldn't find a heart beat, an ultrasound eventually confirmed the worst, that we lost the baby.

I didn't find out until after work at 5. I hadn't heard from her all day and I texted her asking "is everything ok". Ironically the text message didn't go through and I got a "not delivered message".

She told me not to tell anyone until three months because this could happen but I told several people at work thinking there was no way that something like that was going to happen to us.

It really didn't hit me until I came home and looked in the trash and saw all the announcement pictures we had taken had been sealed and stamped but thrown in the trash can. All the addresses were to people in her family. That's when I got most angry and wanted to break some stuff because she was really looking forward to being a mother and sharing our news.

Has anyone been through this? I guess were going to try again but she's really scared about the possibility of it happening again.

Not looking for sympathy here.... just wanted to type something... still can't believe it.
This happened to my friend at 4 months she lost the baby..Very sad..Well the way she coped with it against doctors orders was she got preganat right away..The girl just turned 1..So never give up.You are in my prayers!
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:00 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bengal Droppings View Post
So, just the other day in the Married, Single, Divorced thread I mentioned that my wife and I were expecting our first. She had a check up today and we received some very bad news. The doctor did some test and couldn't find a heart beat, an ultrasound eventually confirmed the worst, that we lost the baby.

I didn't find out until after work at 5. I hadn't heard from her all day and I texted her asking "is everything ok". Ironically the text message didn't go through and I got a "not delivered message".

She told me not to tell anyone until three months because this could happen but I told several people at work thinking there was no way that something like that was going to happen to us.

It really didn't hit me until I came home and looked in the trash and saw all the announcement pictures we had taken had been sealed and stamped but thrown in the trash can. All the addresses were to people in her family. That's when I got most angry and wanted to break some stuff because she was really looking forward to being a mother and sharing our news.

Has anyone been through this? I guess were going to try again but she's really scared about the possibility of it happening again.

Not looking for sympathy here.... just wanted to type something... still can't believe it.
My condoleces my brother.
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:39 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

It is not uncommon. Nor is it awkward. It is a tragedy that happened and these feelings of sadness and anger are natural. Neither you nor your wife caused this or wanted it to happen. You had no control of it. But it does happen to people sometimes. Time will heal. Give your wife time to mourn. For obvious reasons, she may need more time.

The fact that you are able to share this tells me that you will be okay. My thoughts and prayers for you guys.
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  #21  
Old 01-19-2013, 09:56 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

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Originally Posted by Westwood Bengal View Post
We had a similar experience. We also got really excited, and told people, before we should have. If it helps, we now have a perfect 3 year old boy, with 10 fingers, and 10 toes.

Not sure if you are looking for advice, but here is some of how we went forward:

I started to do a lot of research, and found out that it is FAR more common than thought, but due to the nature of it, remains a taboo, that is not really discussed.

The top reason it happens, is that it was a genetic mismatch, and would not have developed appropriately. I found that comforting, for some reason.

I made all the calls, and talked to everyone, not my wife. It is easier on us, and your wife, will thank you.

It will not be possible for you to understand this yet, but there will come a time, when this will not be painful, and you will be annoyed by other people feeling that way about it. (That is of course assuming this is a fluke, and not a problem.) It is a fact of life, and not one that will define you.

I'm sorry, brother. Feel free to PM me if you want.
This is what the doctor said most likely happened.

Thanks for the kind words guys. Your words have helped. My mother and father and law have been here all day and have helped comfort my wife. She's calmed down a lot since yesterday. Hopefully things will take care of themselves naturally and no surgery will have to be performed.

Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts and giving me support and sharing some of your experiences.
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Old 01-19-2013, 09:59 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Sorry to hear about this man. I wish you and your lady the best!
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:12 PM
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I'll be praying for ya man. Thoughts and prayers to you and your wife.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:24 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

Hang in there man. We lost our first and now we have a beautiful pair of girls 6-3 yo. It's hard but keep trying.
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Old 01-20-2013, 02:23 PM
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Default Re: Tough Day Today

We have lost 2. My wife had a real hard time with the first 1, both pain and mentally. The second wasn't as far along. With the first one she was due around the time her sister-in-law was due. She stills brings it up when she sees her kid and or around the due date. It's ruff. I kinda stayed in the shadows and her mom was helping her. We still are not preventing and still trying but it is always in the back of my head. What got us through it was religion, family support, and knowing something wasn't right and in my opinion everything happens for a reason. Keep on trying and be as supportive as you can. We will say a prayer for you and your wife. God Bless!
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