CLEAN funny pictures and jokes

[Bryan]

[Interceptor]

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it..."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who the hell did your hair?"

[Interceptor]

[Interceptor]

Frozen CD + lighter =

[wcu]

[Lolli]

Originally Posted by Bengalzona

Redundant. Better without the last part. But still funny.

[Bengalzona]

[Bengalzona]

Originally Posted by Lolli

Redundant. Better without the last part. But still funny.

Possibly. But you could have dihydrogenmonoxide contamination in the air as well, right?

Come to think of it, we've had a lot of dihydrogenmonoxide contamination in the air here the past few days.

[wcu]

[neek]

[Bengalzona]

[Bengalzona]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

[Bengalzona]

[xela- whodey]

[Lolli]

Originally Posted by neek

I would argue that is backwards if you are married.

[SunsetBengal]

[SunsetBengal]

WTF??

[crispy]

Originally Posted by SunsetBengal

WTF??

I got 2 questions

1) How the hell did she get in there?
2) How the hell do they plan on getting her out of there?

[SunsetBengal]

Originally Posted by crispy

I got 2 questions

1) How the hell did she get in there?
2) How the hell do they plan on getting her out of there?

Good questions.

Thus, my WTF comment.

[Beaker]

Originally Posted by SunsetBengal

I wonder how much she costs...I dont see a price tag. I'd hate to be the bagger in that checkout line.

[Stewy]

Originally Posted by Beaker

I wonder how much she costs...I dont see a price tag. I'd hate to be the bagger in that checkout line.

Her price is by the pound unfortunately.

[StripesNTn]

Originally Posted by Stewy

Her price is by the pound unfortunately.

You could render quite a bit of fat off that and mayhaps pull a few pounds of meat off for the freezer.

[Bengalzona]

[Bengalzona]

[Stewy]

Originally Posted by Bengalzona

Ok that is hilarious.