Bad Jokes - post 'em here

[wildcats forever]

Please keep it clean though - this is a family site you know And here's mine:

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a ‘funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a funeral director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse careers. With a smile on her face she explained, ‘I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’

[NDfanatic]

If everyone in America started driving pink cadillacs, what would you have?
A pink car nation.

[BigPapaKain]

What's a pig's favorite fighting move?

The Pork Chop.

[devils advocate]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?




Elephino

[jfkbengals]

A man walked into a bar.
He said "Ouch!"

[jfkbengals]

A second man walked into a bar.
You think he would have seen the first guy do it!

[Westwood Bengal]

A horse walks in a bar. Bartender says: "Why the long face?"

[BigPapaKain]

A baby seal walks into a club.

[SunsetBengal]

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
































Johnny fell in a mud puddle.

[hollodero]

What is orange and in the kitchen?

Hey, I can paint my woman as I like it!

[Nebuchadnezzar]

What sound does a sheep make when it blows up?

Sis Boom Baaaaaaaaaaaa!

[SunsetBengal]

why did the little boy run circles around his box of oatmeal?


Because the directions said 'to open, tear around".

[jfkbengals]

Pete and RePete walked into a bar. Pete walked out. Who was left?
RePete!
Pete and RePete walked into a bar. Pete walked out. Who was left?
Repete!
Pete and RePete...

[Fan_in_Kettering]

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

[Fan_in_Kettering]

Here's one courtesy of my three-year-old:

"Why do cows moo? Because their horns don't work!"

[Harmening]

Man, these jokes are terrible.

Keep up the good work...

[Nebuchadnezzar]

What did one shoe say to the other shoe? "Hello Shoe"

A guy with Laprosy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He downs the beer and he notices some people at the end of the bar gagging.
He tells the bartender, "I have to leave, people are sick at my appearence".
The bartender say, "It's not you, here have another beer on the house".
The guy with Leprosy downs that beer and notices another group of people actually getting sick.
He tells the bartender, "Seriously, I must leave. I apologize for any inconvenience".
The bartender say, "Believe me, it's not you. Have another beer on the house".
"If it's not me and the fact that I have Leprosy, then why are these people getting sick?" says the guy with Leprosy.
The bartender says, "It's not you, it's not. Sit down and relax".
The Leper says, "Tell me, what is it then?"
The bartender says, "It's the guy behind you. He's using your back as chip dip".

[ishouldbegm]

why was the blonde looking at the tree? because it was a see dar tree

[Nebuchadnezzar]

A blonde is taking a walk and she comes to the bank of a river. On the other side of the river is another blonde. The first blonde yells over to the other blonde, "How do I get to the other side of the river?" The second blonde yells back, "You are on the other side".

Both blondes turn and walk away.

[BigPapaKain]

What did the broken window say to the other window?

"I'm in PANE!!".

[XenoMorph]

there was a dude from Kentucky that tired to blow up a school bus...

But he burnt his lips on the tailpipe.

[XenoMorph]

[auggie]

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man that shot my pa(w)".

[XenoMorph]

How do you fit 4 blondes on a bar stool?



Errrr wait that might not be clean enough

[auggie]

Santa's favorite song is "When I think about you, I touch my elf"