Bad Jokes - post 'em here

[Jabberwocky]

Why are Belgians so strong?

Because they raise dumbells.

[SunsetBengal]

What's a Hoosier?


A Kentuckian who thought he could make it to Illinois on one tank of gas..

[Jabberwocky]

A snail slimes his way into a dealership and says, "I want to buy that car. Please paint "S"s all over it." The salesman replied, "Why?" and the snail replied, "Because when I drive past, I want folks to say, 'Look at that escargot!'"

[Jabberwocky]

Did you hear about the mutiny on the destroyer in the Persian Gulf the other day?

The crew wanted to play cards but the captain was standing on the deck.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

A friend of mine was stabbed in the heart by some guy who ripped the antenna off of my friends van. My friend died of Van Arial Disease.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I saw a friend of mine coming out of UDF with a case of beer. He tossed it into the back seat landing on his 6 month old baby girl! I said, "What the hell are you doing? You just crushed you baby girl!" he said, "Don't worry, it's light beer".

[devils advocate]

If a husband and wife from Kentucky moved to Ohio and a few years later got a divorce, would they still be brother n sister?

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I was walking into the bathroom of this fancy resturant and checking the stalls looking for a free one so I could use the bathroom. The first stalls door was closed and so was the second. I see the door open in the third stall and who do I see? SCS standing there looking down into the bowl.

He starts to reach down and stops.
Starts again, reaching into the toilet, but stops.
He straightens back up and under his breath he says, "DAMN!"
Finally, he pulls out his wallet, pulls a hundred dollar bill out and throws it in the toilet, then reaches in and pulls two bills out.

I ask, "What are you doing, why did you throw a hundred in the toilet just to get it back out for?"

He says, "You think I'm stupid enough to put my hand in there just for a $20?"

[Jasonew6]

A priest, a rabbi, and a preacher walk into a bar. The bartender says "is this some kind of joke?"

[Interceptor]

An idiot just read that most accidents happen within 5 miles from home. So he moved.

[Interceptor]

Why did the blonde keep smiling during a lightning storm?

She thought she was getting her picture taken.

[Interceptor]

A bologna sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here".



Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Where you left it!


What's brown and sticky?
A stick!




Why did Cinderella get cut from the softball team?
She ran away from the ball.




Joe takes his visiting Scottish cousin to a baseball game. Baseball is new to the Scot, so Joe is explaining the game as it goes. The visiting team's pitcher throws four bad pitches, and the batter tosses his bat toward the dugout and strolls to first. The Scot jumps up and shouts: "Run, man, run!". Joe pulls him down and explains: "No, he gets to walk, he has four balls." The Scot jumps up and shouts: "Walk with pride, man, walk with pride!"