Guns don't kill people... Keith Rivers kills people

[BennyBengals]

Keith Rivers wasn't blindsised when he broke his wrist, he just had a bad case of lockjaw that day and wanted to sort the kinks out.

Keith Rivers can do handstands... with his feet!

[dust]

when the bengals win the superbowl the white house will be invited to visit with keith rivers

[BennyBengals]

Originally Posted by RBF

when the bengals win the superbowl the white house will be invited to visit with keith rivers

And the White House will reply they aren't coming because he didn't want to see them when we lost

[Waynesboro KennyG]

Ben Roethlisberger can throw a football over 50 yards. Keith Rivers can throw Ben Roethlisberger even further.

[dust]

if you have 5 dollars and kieth rivers has 5 dollars, keith has more money than you

[dust]

when keith rivers kills 1 person, 9 people die

[Waynesboro KennyG]

Keith Rivers frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

[Jaydeebee UK]

there was a lot of these for a player from the rugby team i support



PETER SHORT


Keith Rivers doesn't swim, he walks along the bottom and the water get's out of his way

There is no "Ctrl" button on Keith River's keyboard; Keith Rivers is always in control

The LHC will not create a black hole, the only way for man to create enough mass closing at enough speed is for Keith Rivers to clap - Fortunately he is rarely impressed

Keith Rivers can slam a revolving door

When Superman goes to bed, he wears Keith Rivers Pj's.

And the boogieman always checks under his bed for Keith Rivers

I heard that the government is thinking about bringing back the death sentance. Hanging, electic chair, Keith Rivers or injection.

Peter Short can kill two stones with one bird.

Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Keith Rivers basement".

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Keith Rivers bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Keith Rivers first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Keith Rivers has allowed to live

When Keith Rivers does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up, but pushing the world down

Apple pays Keith Rivers 79 pence every time he listens to a song.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq - Keith Rivers lives in Cincinnati

Keith Rivers once tackled someone so hard that every female in the PBS got pregnant.

When Keith Rivers wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Mr. T pities the fool. Keith Rivers rips the fool's head off.

They were going to release a Cincinnati Bengals edition of Cluedo, but the answer always turns out to be "Keith Rivers In The Library. With a clothesline tackle."

Keith Rivers wipes his *** with chain mail and sandpaper.

Keith Rivers CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.

Kenny G is allowed to live because Keith Rivers doesn't kill women.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Keith Rivers.

Keith Rivers let the dogs out.


---------------------------------

Not all these will be relevant but has changed the names from Peter Short to Keith Rivers

[Waynesboro KennyG]

Originally Posted by Jaydeebee UK

Kenny G is allowed to live because Keith Rivers doesn't kill women.

ummmmmm... :0

[Waynesboro KennyG]

Brokeback Mountain is not the name of a movie, it is the pile of dead Cleveland Browns Players in Keith Rivers’ backyard

[Waynesboro KennyG]

Keith Rivers’ cowboy boots are made of real Dallas Cowboys Players

[tscheblo]

im really glad that steelers fans cant get in here to post

[JTrain23]

Originally Posted by NickyP717

Our newest beastly linebacker is indeed the new chuck norris.
Keith Rivers packs so much G-Force into one hit that he often leaves oppenents paralized or even dead after the game.

Keith Facts:
1. We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Keith Rivers doesn't believe in magic.
2. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Keith Rivers is.
3. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Keith Rivers and that you will be handicapped if you park there
4. Keith Rivers once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "****ting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.

5. Keith Rivers would NOT allow the Bengals to trade up and take Sedrick Ellis, he does not believe in a defensive line.





Seek and Destroy





wouldn't it be hilarious if sedrick ellis was a bust

Keith Rivers lost his virginity before his father did.......

[victor24]

I really feel that the Star of the TAO Defense will be Keith 'Kill Zone' Rivers. (TAO= Three And Ouch!)

[Waynesboro KennyG]

Keith Rivers was once on College Athlete Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

[eoxyod]

That's pretty awesome
At the same time this was bumped, a thread on a different MB was bumped with Larry FitzGod truisms

[Razor]

Keith Rivers doesn't do yard work. His lawn knows better than to become unsightly.

[victor24]

Skyline Chili has created a "Keith Rivers" dish......once you buy it.....It Eats You!!!

[GreenDragon]

Why hasn't this thread been "stickied"?

[Bear]

Originally Posted by GreenDragon

Why hasn't this thread been "stickied"?

Keith Rivers broke the stickie button and killed the I.T. rep thats responsible to fix it

[Bech72]

Keith Rivers lives vicariously through himself

[djam]

Keith Rivers is so bad.........





















he crashed Twitter

[EatonFan]

Keith Rivers is the reason why we don't have public healthcare. It would be too expensive.

[Waynesboro KennyG]

When you open a can of whoop-a**, Keith Rivers jumps out.

[Poncho]

I love when this thread reappears!!